The day I met M. . .

What is this thing that men have about women in uniform?

When so many young women today seem to dress in order to show off the tattoos on their breasts and their backsides, their thongs and the stud in their navel, with all this on show, why do I ignore them with disdain and invariably give a second glance to policewomen and female traffic wardens?

Of course, I don't like nurses, all that smell of death, and even worse the thought of being helplessly in the power of dictatorial females.

'And how are we today, Mr Bolingbroke?'

'I dont know about you, nurse, but I'm ****ing ill. That's why I'm in hospital.'

I've nothing against traffic wardens - I don't drive a car. And I'm not a particularly persistent lawbreaker. So I'm not afraid of policewomen. Lady bus drivers I'm particularly fond of. It's a good idea, in any case, to be on the right side of bus drivers. If you're polite and friendly, they get to recognise you and sometimes wait when you're a bit late at the stop. Or even drop you off between stops at night. But the driveresses are a bit special. All that femininity encased in light blue shirts and navy blue trousers. I'll tell you, watching their feet working the pedals or their muscles straining aginst the steering wheel is - how shall I put it? - rather appealing.

There are all sorts of uniforms worn by women. From the air force blue of the girl, sporting a huge machine gun, who once demanded my credentials as I tried to get onto RAF Waddington to the the smock of a charlady. But the best is the neat, smart suit of an efficient businesswoman. Trousers are best - Marlene Dietrich knew that - but the skirt which reveals the black-clad knees, the patterned blouse, the practical jacket, the business-like hairstyle and the discreet make-up, the smile which may be more than customer care, these are stuff to dream on.

And this is what I saw yesterday in a local financial institution. I doubt I'll forget for quite a while.

A dog looks up to you,

A cat looks down on you,

But a pig treats you as an equal.

Winston Churchill