My Goldfish

I've had my fish for nigh on 9 years. I believe that's a pretty good age for a goldfish.

I like to think it's a female, although I've no idea how I'm supposed to confirm that. Her name is supposed to be Dolly but somehow 'the fish' is her only appellation. It's difficult to have a very personal relationship with a fish.

This is not to say she doesn't have a personality of sorts.

I have been dipping into The Book of General Ignorance, one of my Christmas presents. Fascinating stuff, packed with 'interesting facts' with which to impress and irritate others in conversation.

For example, Sir Walter Raleigh appears to most famous for things he did not do. Such as introduce tobacco and potatoes to England and spread out his cloak over a puddle for the queen. That's according to my book. It doesn't mention the story of a servant throwing a bucket of water over Raleigh when he found him smoking.

That's just reminded me. Turkeys. I don't suppose Raleigh introduce them either, but I must check whether their price has plummeted. this might be a good time to stock up.

But Dolly. She is a beautiful little fish, with long flowing fins which trail behind her as she glides effortlessly round her bowl. Her eyes are impressive too, the kind that demand Disneyesque lashes around them. I have known for a long time that it is a myth that she has a memory of 3 seconds. Not Dolly. She knows me and always seems to get excited when I enter the room, especially in the morning when she has come to expect food.

I'm convinced, from her body language, she likes company. It must be a boring life after all.

According to the book goldfish have a memory of at least 3 months and can distinguish between different shapes and colours. They can also learn to operate levers to release food.

Disappointingly, it appears to be a myth that a pregnant goldfish is called a 'twat'. So That's another 'interesting fact' to be consigned to the rubbish bin, along with Herr Titzling, Alfred's cakes and Robert the Bruce's spider.