Who's cynical?

What women say – and what they mean


Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
I’m not upset = I’m upset
We need = I want
We need to talk = I need to complain
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
You’re attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

What men say and what they actually mean

I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m tired = I’m tired
May I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
May I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
I’m bored = Let’s have sex
I love you too. OK, I’ve said it. = Now can we have sex?
Let’s talk = I want you to think I’m a deep person and maybe you’ll have sex with me
What’s wrong? = For Christ’s sake, not again! Fat chance of sex now.
I’m not sure that blouse and skirt go together = I’m gay.