When is Hallowe'en? The end of October, I think, and I doubt if the pub's decorations will still be in evidence then. The cobwebs on the bannisters are now trailing on the floor and half of the black balloons have burst. The joke where you say 'Wicked Witch' to the barmaid and then 'a pint of beer, please' has been used so often that it's died of exhaustion.

I tried a pint of 'Titanic' yesterday. The barmaid said, 'Before you say anything, you can't have ice with it and I know it's doesn't travel well and when you've drunk it, don't tell me it went down well.'

'Right.' I said. 'Actually I'm surprised you're selling it at Hallowe'en. Mayday would be more appropriate.'

Well, it was a good try.

In any case, most of the beers are off. So we've got half a beer festival. Apparently only one person is 'qualified' to change barrels and he was off.

The manager wasn't here either. Mind you, he's useless. He thinks management is rushing around changing ashtrays. I've heard of leading from the front, but leading from the bottom. . .?

In my situation, days are like women. Each one is so damn precious, but they all end up leaving you.

Napoleon Wilson